"True Story...."

So, this post, I decided to make a little more fun. I ride the bus here in good old Spokane, and sometimes the people on the bus are very interesting characters. This list is dedicated to them:

#1. Please... PLEASE, for the sake of everyone around you, with rainbows and sprinkles, the number one most important thing to surviving with you on the bus... Shower.

#2. Wear deodorant. For some people, a shower won't cut it. However,

#3. Don't over-do the body spray. Bad idea.

#4. Please wear clothing made for your gender. Guys, do NOT wear girls' blouses that are a size too small - especially when you could make a wig from all that hair on your chest. No one wants to see that.

#5. If no one is sitting next to you, but your stuff is there, please be considerate and move your stuff. There is plenty room on your lap or on the floor. (Exceptions: mothers with small children, strollers, etc., or when riding the 90, 25, or any bus that runs through the West Central (22/23) or Hillyard (27/33) neighborhoods.) If you do happen to have to give up your seat, be sure you carefully visually assess your new "seat buddy."

#6. When getting on a crowded bus, if there are single seats open and available next to strangers, find the least threatening, appears to have showered stranger and ask to sit by them. They'll usually be kind enough to let you, and who knows, you may make a friend in the process.

#7. When it's morning, and you're on a crowded bus, and no one else is talking, please don't be yelling your conversation to the person next to you. I don't care to know how many shots of coffee you had nor am I interested in your love/sex life.

#8. Sometimes, it's okay to shower. I feel the need to repeat this one.

#9. It might be called P.D.A. for a reason, but change the "P" to private. We don't need to watch that.

#10. If someone has their headphones in, whether or not they're listening to music, it means they don't want to talk to you. Don't try.

#11. You might not notice the breeze, but pull up your pants. No one wants to see that either. But, I might just bust into song... "Pants on the ground, pants on the ground. Lookin' like a FOOL wit ya pants on the ground." Don't tempt me.

#12. If you have to have an argument, please, don't have it on the bus. We don't need a fight to break out.

#13. On the bus, there happens to be magicians. They make things disappear with their slight of hand. Make sure you keep your eye on your zipped/buttoned/completely closed bags at all times, or you might become the next "lovely assistant" to their trick.

#14. For those who like to listen to rap/heavy metal rather loudly on the bus: your choice of music is atrocious. Turn it down, or turn it off. Justin Bieber is unacceptable as well.

#15. If you'd prefer not to shower, at least change your clothes daily.

#16. I highly suggest showering. It might seem like common sense, but some people need to be told - for the love of all that is wonderful - shower. They do make hypoallergenic soap, if that's what you're worried about.

#17. This is quite possibly one of the most important pieces of advice for a new bus rider: not all of the drivers like their jobs, nor do they always like people. Try not to kill them, however tempting it may be.

#18. Don't talk to women with mustaches. Seriously. Just don't do it.

#19. With as much as schizophrenics talk, it's probably not wise to talk to them. You never know when they might crack. Or what kind of crack they're doing, for that matter.

#20. There is no such thing as a normal bus ride. Something weird will ALWAYS happen, even if this is the same bus you've been taking for a while, at the same time, with the same people. Be prepared for anything both imaginable and, scarily, unimaginable.

#21. Some of the bus drivers are worse drivers than a 16 year old girl who is talking on her phone while she has 3 friends in the car. Sit down and hang on. For your life.