What is Family?

This is the question I've been asking myself this last week. On Saturday, I learned some information that sounds like it could be straight out of a book or movie. The books make it sound so much easier than it has been.

I grew up only knowing 3 of my grandparents. I had both my mom's parents and my dad's mom. My Grandfather was truly an irreplaceable man in my life. He was a father figure to me. The only grandpa I ever knew. He passed away last year and every day I miss him. I had both of my grandmothers, so my grandpa was my one and only. I never knew my dad's dad. I knew his name, the state he lived in, and my father's opinion of him, but nothing more. I had exchanged maybe 5 emails with him when I was 11 or so, but it was so long ago, I can't even remember what was said.

Grandpa Robert Sprague. And he lives (lived?) in Florida. That was the only information I had on this man. I also know he had two sons - my dad and my uncle. But I learned information that changed that. I found out he had a daughter, too. My aunt? Or is she? My dad's half sister, about 8 years older - we never knew she existed. What is her name? Where does she live? Do I have cousins? I've since become overwhelmed with questions and confusion with what to do and feel. You see the movies about people who find long lost relatives and they're completely overtaken by joy and emotion. They build their relationship and it's like they were there all along.

Nope. In my 21 years of life, my grandfather never sent me one birthday card. He never wished me a merry Christmas. He never called to congratulate me for anything. He was never a part of my life. And how could he be? He was "banned" from my life. I didn't have a say in it. I would have wanted to be able to talk to him, invite him to performances, send him school pictures or a graduation announcement. He wasn't allowed in my life.

My little sister has three little brothers. My brother, Daniel, and her two half-brothers, Ethan and Declan. "But wouldn't they be YOUR brothers, too?" Yes, but no. Let me explain. My dad made it clear he didn't want me to be a part of his family. Am I related to them? Yes. But I'm not a part of that family. And here is where additional confusion comes in - because my grandfather is on my dad's side, and I'm not a part of my dad's family, is he still my grandfather?

All this has come at a time where I was already pondering a valid question posed by the group of girls I meet up with for bible study. "Do you feel alone in the church as a woman? And if you do, how so? In what way?" My answer? I didn't feel alone as a woman, but as a person, certainly. I go to church every week and sit with "my people." They're lovely people. A group of Deaf and interpreters and their families. I feel alone in that I'm still just a student. I don't have my family there. I'm accepted as a member of the group, but I can't totally relate, nor am I related to. But these people are a part of my "family," and for that, I cannot thank them enough.

The people who have accepted me despite anything and everything are those I call my family. I have a work family, a church family, a school family. So, what is family? When can you call someone a part of your family - friend or relative? Is blood really thicker than water? My life sounds like a book, but it's far from a fairytale. Thank you for being here for me in this new chapter of my story.