This last week, I had the awesome opportunity to go to Hunters, Washington, to participate in a VBS at Cedonia Community Church (check 'em out here: http://cedoniachurch.blogspot.com/) as a crew leader. Now, I have to be honest: that position was not my first choice. See, as a junior high leader, Pre-K/K team member, and the various other areas of small group leadership I've had, I had "crew leader" down. I felt the need to grow elsewhere. But, I was placed as a crew leader. I was actually rather upset with that fact, but, because I knew that the devil would use it against me, I decided that I would go wherever I was needed with a servant mentality, since the trip was never about me anyway.
The very first night, we did foot washing at evening devos. The leaders went around the circle, washing the volunteers feet and praying over them. After I was prayed over, I hurried to the basement. It was quiet, and no one could hear me, so I walked around, talking to God, explaining to Him how I felt (even though I'm sure He already knew) while crying. I told Him I wasn't sure what He was doing, but I knew He had a plan. I know He still does, as I still have that longing to be beyond where I was - having a desire to grow in more areas.
But have you ever felt that way? Like you're supposed to be put somewhere and when you're not, you're kind of bitter and angry about it? It's almost like you feel God's telling you "this is where I want you" but when it doesn't happen, you get kind of frustrated and confused? That's where I was. I thought, "God, you said these were your plans for me, but I'm still at this spot. What are you doing? I thought you said this was how it was supposed to be."
It wasn't until A) I talked to someone about it and B) until I could overcome my bitterness that I really saw what God was doing. I had the mentality that THIS is where I would be at THIS time. But that wasn't God's timing. I still believe He has that plan for me. And now I know to WAIT patiently. Yet, how many times do we try to hurry up God's plans for us? We just disappoint ourselves and go through more hurt than we really need to go through. We have to learn to wait on God, and He will bring about His plans at the right time - the point where it will bring Him the most glory.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
Happy Father's Day?
*Disclaimer: The decision to post this was a difficult one, and in openness, I've decided to share it with you. It's a bit of a heavier post and topic, but the end is where we should focus, and you can always feel free to skip to the end. I hope you enjoy this post. You should tell me your story...*
June 17th, 2012, is yet another "Hallmark Holiday." The second most important people in our lives are to be celebrated and cherished. It's a day where we focus all our attention on the person who taught us how to ride a bike, hit a baseball, and change a tire. Fathers. They're one of the most important people to look at when we search for our identity and determine who we are and who we're going to be. They're the ones who are supposed to walk us down the aisle and hold their newborn grandchildren at the hospital wearing the "Proud Grandfather" shirt and smile
Fathers are the people who can quite literally make or break the rest of our lives. If you've been lucky enough to have a great dad, I truly am jealous of you. But if you, like me, have a not-so-great dad, father's day might be tough for you. Fathers are supposed to be there from the moment we are born. They're there for our first breath, first steps, first loves, first house... Well, most of them, anyway.
But in complete vulnerability, I've decided to share an excerpt of my story. Something I share with few people, now to be shared with all of you. (Since, after all, my blog does say "tell me your story, show me your wounds...")
When I was 8, my parents got a divorce. I very much knew what was going on. As time passed, I grew to be more independent. My mom and dad pinned me and my siblings up against the other parent. We were being pulled in every different direction. Things looked okay from the outside, but inside, there were hurtful words. Words that should never be said to any child. EVER. My dad denied it. Even when he was told about it and saw the hurt we had experienced, there was no remorse, no guilt, no shame, no empathy. There was nothing. No one would ever see the scars, because the beatings we had experienced were not physical. The control and bounds we had been held captive to were invisible. Who would ever believe a child?
My self-reliance had grown exponentially. My mom had gone back to school and was working, so my siblings and I were home alone often. Being a middle child, I was strong-willed. I knew what I wanted and was determined to work to get it. I recognized the verbal and emotional abuse and didn't need to deal with it anymore. By 13 years old, I had had enough. After getting sick at summer camp, I wanted to stay at my house and rest. My dad wanted me to go with him. I refused. I laid on the couch, crying out of fear. He left. I was terrified that he would try to come take me. The first day of 8th grade came and went. As soon as I hopped off the bus and saw him walking toward me, I ran. I ran to the front office to call my mom. Because my parents had gone to court that summer, since I had refused to go with my dad, they ruled that I could return to visitations or I could go to counseling with him. I chose counseling. That's a story for another time.
After I was forced to resume visitation with him December of my 8th grade year, things didn't get any better. Counseling hadn't helped. My dad had shown no response to the fact that he had hurt me. By February, he had had enough of me. He dropped me off with my mom, not giving a reason why, and told my mom I couldn't go with him until "the air was cleared." Whatever that meant, the air has still never been cleared.
Don't get me wrong. I love my dad. Despite what he's done. I don't love him because he's my dad. I love him because, as a Christian, it's what I'm called to do. But it's not an obligation - it's a genuine love for him.
I've been lucky enough to have men at my church who I can look up to as a father figure, who have "taken me into" their families as "one of their own." I've had father figures leave me, too, but I know that there's one Daddy who won't leave me. My earthly dad might suck, but my true Daddy is eternal, and despite ME leaving Him, I know He'll always love me. I plan on thanking some of my friend's dad's on father's day, for showing me what a father is supposed to look like and how to show love to his children and wife, so one day I can find a guy like that.
The purpose of this post is not to show you how lame my dad is, but to show you that, no matter your relationship with your dad, you can still find hope on Father's Day.
1 John 3:1 - "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him."
How great the love our our Abba Daddy... Those of us who feel like we might not belong in our own families, we know that we belong in God's family. How great is that? We belong in a loving family, with a loving Daddy, despite how broken our families on earth may be. We can celebrate our Abba Daddy because of His love for us, His kids, and the things He's done for us. Maybe he never played basketball with you or let you beat him in a game of chess, but He's let us win over something so much bigger than that - sin, because with Him, we are more than conquerors.
So, my challenge to you is, no matter how great or how dumb your father is, take comfort in the fact that you can still celebrate a Daddy who loves you forever and ever.
June 17th, 2012, is yet another "Hallmark Holiday." The second most important people in our lives are to be celebrated and cherished. It's a day where we focus all our attention on the person who taught us how to ride a bike, hit a baseball, and change a tire. Fathers. They're one of the most important people to look at when we search for our identity and determine who we are and who we're going to be. They're the ones who are supposed to walk us down the aisle and hold their newborn grandchildren at the hospital wearing the "Proud Grandfather" shirt and smile
Fathers are the people who can quite literally make or break the rest of our lives. If you've been lucky enough to have a great dad, I truly am jealous of you. But if you, like me, have a not-so-great dad, father's day might be tough for you. Fathers are supposed to be there from the moment we are born. They're there for our first breath, first steps, first loves, first house... Well, most of them, anyway.
But in complete vulnerability, I've decided to share an excerpt of my story. Something I share with few people, now to be shared with all of you. (Since, after all, my blog does say "tell me your story, show me your wounds...")
When I was 8, my parents got a divorce. I very much knew what was going on. As time passed, I grew to be more independent. My mom and dad pinned me and my siblings up against the other parent. We were being pulled in every different direction. Things looked okay from the outside, but inside, there were hurtful words. Words that should never be said to any child. EVER. My dad denied it. Even when he was told about it and saw the hurt we had experienced, there was no remorse, no guilt, no shame, no empathy. There was nothing. No one would ever see the scars, because the beatings we had experienced were not physical. The control and bounds we had been held captive to were invisible. Who would ever believe a child?
My self-reliance had grown exponentially. My mom had gone back to school and was working, so my siblings and I were home alone often. Being a middle child, I was strong-willed. I knew what I wanted and was determined to work to get it. I recognized the verbal and emotional abuse and didn't need to deal with it anymore. By 13 years old, I had had enough. After getting sick at summer camp, I wanted to stay at my house and rest. My dad wanted me to go with him. I refused. I laid on the couch, crying out of fear. He left. I was terrified that he would try to come take me. The first day of 8th grade came and went. As soon as I hopped off the bus and saw him walking toward me, I ran. I ran to the front office to call my mom. Because my parents had gone to court that summer, since I had refused to go with my dad, they ruled that I could return to visitations or I could go to counseling with him. I chose counseling. That's a story for another time.
After I was forced to resume visitation with him December of my 8th grade year, things didn't get any better. Counseling hadn't helped. My dad had shown no response to the fact that he had hurt me. By February, he had had enough of me. He dropped me off with my mom, not giving a reason why, and told my mom I couldn't go with him until "the air was cleared." Whatever that meant, the air has still never been cleared.
Don't get me wrong. I love my dad. Despite what he's done. I don't love him because he's my dad. I love him because, as a Christian, it's what I'm called to do. But it's not an obligation - it's a genuine love for him.
I've been lucky enough to have men at my church who I can look up to as a father figure, who have "taken me into" their families as "one of their own." I've had father figures leave me, too, but I know that there's one Daddy who won't leave me. My earthly dad might suck, but my true Daddy is eternal, and despite ME leaving Him, I know He'll always love me. I plan on thanking some of my friend's dad's on father's day, for showing me what a father is supposed to look like and how to show love to his children and wife, so one day I can find a guy like that.
The purpose of this post is not to show you how lame my dad is, but to show you that, no matter your relationship with your dad, you can still find hope on Father's Day.
1 John 3:1 - "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him."
How great the love our our Abba Daddy... Those of us who feel like we might not belong in our own families, we know that we belong in God's family. How great is that? We belong in a loving family, with a loving Daddy, despite how broken our families on earth may be. We can celebrate our Abba Daddy because of His love for us, His kids, and the things He's done for us. Maybe he never played basketball with you or let you beat him in a game of chess, but He's let us win over something so much bigger than that - sin, because with Him, we are more than conquerors.
So, my challenge to you is, no matter how great or how dumb your father is, take comfort in the fact that you can still celebrate a Daddy who loves you forever and ever.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Being the Salt of the World to Add Flavor to My Life
Between going to a Christian school and growing up in church, there was one thing I was taught that I always had a hard time with. It has nothing to do with the belief system. In fact, it's quite the opposite - MY belief system. I cannot count how many times I've been told to "practice sharing my testimony, so when the day comes, I'd be ready." My problem with this? I didn't have an interesting testimony. My testimony, I thought, was bland. In fact, I can write it in two sentences. I grew up in the church and went to a Christian school. When I was in first grade, I accepted Christ. The end. Thrilling, right? As I got older, those two sentences expanded to "where I was, when I chose, who Christ is to me now." I was able to tack on the fact that I grew up, and God became my Father, my Guidance, my Friend, and my solid rock when I was on shaky ground. I would hear other people's stories and think about how lame mine sounded. Kids my age turning their lives around made my life feel dull.
The older I got, the less inspiring I found my story. Up until recently, I never realized just how inspiration my story really was. I didn't tell it to anyone, and no one who knows me told me just how impacted they felt. It was just one of those things where I realized, no one's testimony is greater than another person's. In fact, they're all the same story:
"I was broken and enslaved to sin. God's grace gave me salvation and made me whole. I was lost, but now I am found. I was a child of the world, but now I am a child of the King."
If you ask me, that's some powerful stuff right there. That's my testimony. Sure, I was 6, my life had only begun. The worst thing I had done was lie to my parents or take my sister's toy away from her. Interesting? Maybe not. Powerful? Always. How great is it that we get to become God's kids?! People say "it doesn't matter how old I've gotten - I will always need my mother/father." That's how it is with God. We will always need Him. It doesn't matter how far away from Him we've gone, the things we've done, or how independent we THINK we are - He'll always be waiting there for you to call on Him, because He knows you'll need His help. Whether you're sick, hurting, just want to tell Him "thanks," He waits patiently for us to call on Him. Just like our parents.
1 John 3:1-2 - "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is."
If you read the rest of that chapter, it delves into the salvation Jesus provides for us. It's our testimony! Take a look for yourself: (vs. 3-10)
"All who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure. Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. But you know that he appeared so that he might take away our sins. And in him is no sin. No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him. Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray. The one who does what is right is righteous, just as he is righteous. The one who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work. No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God. This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God’s child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister."
We sin. God saved us. We are free from the bondage of sin.
THAT is my testimony.
The older I got, the less inspiring I found my story. Up until recently, I never realized just how inspiration my story really was. I didn't tell it to anyone, and no one who knows me told me just how impacted they felt. It was just one of those things where I realized, no one's testimony is greater than another person's. In fact, they're all the same story:
"I was broken and enslaved to sin. God's grace gave me salvation and made me whole. I was lost, but now I am found. I was a child of the world, but now I am a child of the King."
If you ask me, that's some powerful stuff right there. That's my testimony. Sure, I was 6, my life had only begun. The worst thing I had done was lie to my parents or take my sister's toy away from her. Interesting? Maybe not. Powerful? Always. How great is it that we get to become God's kids?! People say "it doesn't matter how old I've gotten - I will always need my mother/father." That's how it is with God. We will always need Him. It doesn't matter how far away from Him we've gone, the things we've done, or how independent we THINK we are - He'll always be waiting there for you to call on Him, because He knows you'll need His help. Whether you're sick, hurting, just want to tell Him "thanks," He waits patiently for us to call on Him. Just like our parents.
1 John 3:1-2 - "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is."
If you read the rest of that chapter, it delves into the salvation Jesus provides for us. It's our testimony! Take a look for yourself: (vs. 3-10)
"All who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure. Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. But you know that he appeared so that he might take away our sins. And in him is no sin. No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him. Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray. The one who does what is right is righteous, just as he is righteous. The one who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work. No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God. This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God’s child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister."
We sin. God saved us. We are free from the bondage of sin.
THAT is my testimony.
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