Running For [Your] Life

I love my church. I really do! It's a place I feel I have people I can go to if I need advice, prayer, even a good laugh. It's the same place that's been there from the beginning of my story and been a refuge. It's a place I've run to - emotionally - when I needed some extra help. My church has been a huge part of my story and I have many memories tied to it's comfort.

This Sunday, the pastor made mention of something that triggered a memory of mine to hold me captive. You could call it a flashback if you'd like, but it didn't hold me hostage. Yes, there's a difference. When was a time in your life that you felt like you had to "run for your life," in one way or another? Some people might have memories of running to avoid getting in trouble with the cops, their parents, teachers, etc. My story is (quite a bit) different.

I ran in fear attempting to get away from my fear. I had an understanding and when I saw my fear coming toward me, I could only run. I wasn't strong enough to face it alone, if at all. Other people got involved and my situation remained unresolved. Eventually, I was put in a circumstance where I had to become strong enough to face it alone, even when it was magnified. I went from running for my life to fighting for my life. And I had to do it by myself.

If I hadn't been where I was and gotten to where I am when my memory held on to me, if either one of those had been different, I probably wouldn't have escaped it unscathed. It held on to me, took me captive, but I wasn't a slave to it. God has built up a network around me who understands, comforts, and can give me advice - even if it's tough love - when I need support.

I don't ask for help often. When I do, it's usually because I've done everything else and it's my last option. I don't enjoy it. I don't like it. And my ability to ask for help only when I've run out of means is progress from where I was of not asking for any help. Ever. But these people and this place... It's comfortable. No, not comfortable, just less uncomfortable with that discomfort being absolved by their comfort. That sounds really weird, but I have a point...

...The point is, when you stop running from pain, fear, discomfort, and run to Christ, HE will provide you with safety, healing, and comfort. The end.
Kidding. Sort of.
The Psalms are riddled with chapters that feel like MY story: a distraught heart, crying out for help. And help comes. Resolution is had. And even though we don't live happily ever after here on Earth, we have that hope in Heaven. Even the best days come with challenges, but if we take a moment to ask, stop running from the fear, allow ourselves to feel the discomfort, we can still sing.

Psalm 13 (my personal favorite - hence, its inclusion here as opposed to any of the other 149 chapters):

"For the director of music. A psalm of David.

¹ How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
² How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
    How long will my enemy triumph over me?

³ Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
    Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
⁴ and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
    and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation.
⁶ I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me."